The most heartbreaking decision ?


I’ve written so many variations of this email, I don’t even know where to pick it up.

It started with Happy Saturday. Which honestly wasn’t happy. It was a shit day. Then Happy Sunday, which was worse. Then Happy Monday, which had me in tears for most of the day.

Today is the worst day so far. 

For those of you who don’t know, I have a 5 month old baby girl, named Ostara.

On Friday morning I had to make a heart-wrenching decision which literally left me in a heap on the floor sobbing over my tiny little angel.

Ostara, Rick (my partner), and I are due to leave for New York tomorrow. This is now today. I’m updating the email from the plane, because I couldn’t bring myself to finish it before we left London.

I had planned to host a very intimate VIP day in Manhattan on Wednesday 24th April, and then fly up to Saratoga Springs for the weekend to be the keynote speaker for my clients event, Ladies Aligned.

For the last few weeks we have been watching with interest as the measles ‘epidemic’ has spread from Rockwell county into New York City. We aren’t the kind of family to succumb easily to any kind of scare mongering, or anything which reeks of patriarchal control, so we were confident we would be fine to fly with baby Ostara.

Until Friday.

On Friday we were faced with the very real statistic from our doctors on both sides of the pond, that the measles outbreak was spreading beyond control, and children too young to be vaccinated, i.e. Ostara, were advised not to travel to NY.

So I was presented with a choice. 

Cancel the trip, lose the money we had spent on flights and hotels, refund all those who have signed up for my intimate VIP day, and disappoint the Ladies Aligned team and the 200+ women who are expecting to see me & hear me speak.

Cost: Approx £10,000. Disappointment levels: Gut wrenching. Desire: Selfish.


Cancel only Ostara’s ticket. Uphold all my promises and commitments. Leave my baby girl behind for a whole week with my mum, and the nanny. And survive and serve without my little sidekick. A sidekick, who by the way, is already an energy healer, and was healing from the womb when I visited the states in May June last year. A sidekick who I have sworn to protect and raise with all the LOVE I can provide. A sidekick who gives me so much strength, wisdom, insight, and inspiration, I don’t know how I ever did my job properly before she turned up.

Anyway. The choice was to leave her behind. A choice no mother would ever want to make, I imagine.

Cost: Negligible. Disappointment levels: Heart breaking. Desire: Selfless.

Oh, and there was one more thing to consider. It’s my 31st birthday this Friday 26th April, which I had intended to spend with my little family in New York. My first birthday as a mum.

Money isn’t really an issue for me. Losing out on £10,000 wouldn’t have been easy, obviously, but spending my birthday with my daughter is priceless. I’d chose to spend my birthday with her at ANY financial cost.

However, this wasn’t my choice to make. 

Spirit intervened. And kicked my ass. Again. 

I am going to New York, and I am leaving my daughter behind.


Because it serves the greatest highest good of all humanity. 

You see, being a Priestess, and being fucking rich, and living the boss lady life, and “having it all” isn’t really all its cracked up to be. It’s awesome, yes. But it requires big lady balls to do the job that is required of me. Of any of us really.

How ironic that the organisers & founders of the Ladies Aligned event, Align & Rise, at which I’m speaking on Friday and Saturday, asked me to deliver a talk on REALLY DEEPLY TRULY … having it all.

Only “having it all” feels like a whisper. At this moment in time. 

Being a Priestess and having it all, means making decisions for the greatest highest good of all humanity.

I always teach that we make decisions that serve our greatest highest good FIRST, and only then do we overflow to serve others. 

But I’m already overflowing. I have been for a long time. And only fear and greed and selfishness and absence of consciousness would have be believe that I need to fill myself up more before I can overflow and serve at high levels.

Many people are already overflowing. But they don’t see it. Because overflowing into true service can often mean heart breaking decisions like the one I just made.

I can’t get her perfect little face out of my mind.

It’s only a week. I know. And anyone who wants to scoff at this heart pouring can kindly fuck off. I’m not available for anything other than brutal unapologetic and authentic TRUTH.

On last months virtual VIP day, I delivered the very hard truth about 2019 being a ‘3 year’, a year in which Spirit is ensuring EVERYONE is kicked into action to do the right thing, and steps into their rights & responsibilities to make the world a better place, at whatever cost.

I predicted massive trauma and upheaval on both a very personal level, and a global level, in politics, religion, technology, massive corporations, network marketing companies, relationships, financial institutions, and patriarchal institutions.

And so far all of my predictions have come true.

The monstrous shifting of energy requires us all to become Conscious very quickly, and recognise selfish needs & desires need to now play secondary to the needs of the many.

You got that?

Time to get over yourself. Get over all of it. Get over the emotions which drag you down. The shit that triggers you. The frustrations and irritations that distract you. 

Don’t you see? Your life, your experience, your emotions, only serve you  (and others) when you choose to be CONSCIOUS with it.

❌Telling yourself it’s OK to have another duvet & Netflix day when there’s a world out there desperate for change, is not conscious.

❌Cancelling plans because it doesn’t work for you, AFTER you’ve made a commitment, is not conscious.

❌Choosing to play small and not say what needs to be said because it’s too fucking scary, is not conscious.

❌Taking forever and a fucking day to make a decision, is not conscious.

❌Holding off and holding back because of any kind of negative emotion, is not conscious,

❌Not being brave enough to ask for what you want, is not conscious.

❌Judging and ridiculing other people, is not conscious.

❌Getting angry at other people, is not conscious.

❌Not being brave enough to admit that you are fucking scared, is not conscious.

❌Not having big lady balls to go out there and make your life yours, is not conscious.

I could go on, but I want to pause to make one very very very clear distinction.

I am NOT advocating hustle mentality. 

Being conscious does not mean being hard on yourself.

But it does mean being UNAPOLOGETIC. Sometimes brutally so.

Get in touch with your Soul Self and ask yourself in every single fucking moment….

“How do I serve? How do I make this work? How does this become a Conscious act of contribution?”

That is why I’m on this plane.

The Power of the Priestess is in her Presence. 

And if there’s one thing I am, it’s Present.

Are you ready to be present with me?

>>> Join me in New York <<<

^^^ That’s tomorrow. Get out of your own way. Come meet me.

My love always



Posted on

April 23, 2019