Something a little different for you to chew on….
Last week a student of mine approached me embarrassed to talk about a personal issue which was causing her a lot of anxiety and shame in her relationship, but she knew she needed the Priestess Perspective on how to handle her situation.
She caught her boyfriend watching porn and discovered he watched it quite regularly to help himself ‘get off’. He insisted it was normal, all guys did it, it didn’t mean anything, and she had nothing to worry or stress about. He didn’t fancy any of the women in the videos… porn was just a stimulus for him, and for his release. Totally normal.
Yet she couldn’t shake all the feelings this discovery woke in her. Feelings of shame & embarrassment, not being good enough, sexy enough, pretty enough, enough to please him and satisfy his sexual desire. It made her feel things towards him that she didn’t want to feel… disgust, detachment and a withdrawal from the previously intimate relationship they once shared. Her friends told her she was being silly and that it was normal, which is why she came to me.
Here’s my take on porn:
Men watching porn is normal, very normal in fact. Not all men watch it but the majority do. Quite innocently without any thought to the impact of their behaviours.
Women having zero interest in sex, especially beyond the honeymoon period of a relationship, is also quite normal. Women not being able to orgasm and having hateful relationships with their bodies… also very normal, and to be expected of most women after childbirth if not before.
So most relationships start out with heightened sexual energy, but soon a woman becomes dependent on her vibrator (if she orgasms at all), and a man becomes dependent on porn… the relationship quickly turns into sex once a month, ‘birthday sex’, and fizzles into friendship, tolerance, and eventually divorce. A lot of relationships also navigate adultery along the way. Perfectly normal. A sad normal. But normal nonetheless.
And here’s my issue with normal:
? IT’S FUCKING WRONG
The Patriarchy have normalised so much damage, the concept of ‘normal’ in 2020 is reprehensible, repulsive, and so god damn toxic it’s practically radioactive.
A man watching porn is a blatant show of disrespect towards ALL women, not just the woman they are in a relationship with. Only the men don’t realise this, and neither do most women. Women are not here on this Planet to be objectified, wanked over, and spat on. Women are here to be loved, respected, and supported so we can change the world. All women are deserving of respect, sensual love & affection, sacred intimacy with their partner (man or woman), and true monogamy if that’s what they desire (not all women do, and poly-amorous relationships can work just as well inside this container concept of sacredness, compassion, and respect).
Equally a woman who takes responsibility for her own self-pleasure and doesn’t invite her committed partner (man or woman) into the sharing of that sacred space is also showing a disrespect and disregard for the intimate union between two Souls who have committed all of themselves to one another. Sex between Souls is sacred and world-alteringly powerful, but looking externally for sexual pleasure and release gives this power away.
We have forgotten sacred sexuality, and instead normalised division, separation, disrespect, disregard, and objectification of the human body, even to the point of judgement. Judgement breaks Souls, both in the person doing the judging and the one being judged. A broken Soul doesn’t shine, doesn’t rise to its Soul purpose, and doesn’t change the world.
And so we continue being ‘normal’.
Consider what else is now normal. Things you don’t even question on a daily basis:
- Drinking cows milk
- Injecting your kids with toxic metals (vaccines)
- Consuming refined sugar
- Drinking poison (alcohol)
- Working a 9-5
- Popping anti-depressants (you’re not depressed, you’ve just been denied your intuition and Divine power)
- Staying 1 or 2m away from other people
- Killing your lungs by wearing a mask
- Putting toxic chemicals inside your pussy every month (tampons)
- Consuming harmful chemicals (fluoride is in your tap water & your toothpaste)
- Taking pain killers to mask the signals your body is trying to give you as it cries out in pain for what you’ve accepted as normal
- Voluntary brainwashing (absorbing main stream news on a daily basis)
- Starting a business to make money (oh you massively missed the point on this one)
- Sending your kids to school
- Putting imaginary money in an imaginary pot for safe keeping (pensions)
- Increasing the demand for the production of plastics which is killing our planet
- Driving a car (also killing the Planet)
- McDonalds & all its fast food friends (killing you)
- Finding money to pay bills
- Period pain (definitely not normal)
- Obeying your government and the world leaders (probably the worst one on the list)
This is not normal. This is patriarchal control.
And don’t get me wrong, I’ve done all of the things on this list, and some of them I still do, even though I know I’m doing it because of my conditioning and because actually, I enjoy the ‘normal’ even though it’s fucked up… like driving my car collection which kills the Planet but I’ll turn a blind eye to that when it suits because I’m human.
Want to know what the Patriarchy has to do with porn?
The patriarchy is real, and is actually fucking you in the arse and coming on your face, against your will, for the amusement of itself, and with respect for NO-ONE.
Your life isn’t normal. It’s fucked. You aren’t normal. You’re also fucked.
And that won’t change until you change. Until we all change. Until we all say NO to patriarchal control.
Normal isn’t normal. Normal is simply not knowing any better. It’s time to wake up. Re-educate yourself.
Come with me on a journey because shits about to get really really uncomfortable!
I love you
Harriette x
p.s. if you’re a man reading this and you watch porn, consider looking at that and how you’re contributing to the problem. If you’re a woman reading this and your man watches porn, consider how that makes you feel, un-normalise it and engage in a conscious conversation with him.
Note: this conversation continued in a future blog post. If you’d like to read more, click here.