How to put an end to the bitchiness in the coaching industry.
Coaching isn’t a get quick rich scheme, and it’s certainly not “journal and vision board your way to success”. A coaching business is a business like any other. It requires smarts, work ethics, continual professional development, and heart. A lot of freaking heart. In this industry you have to be head over heels obsessed in love with the work because it’s personal AF.
I don’t care what anyone else says about a coaching business not being personal, and how women shouldn’t get upset if someone comments on their business in a derogatory way, this industry requires you to put your heart on your sleeve, so yeah it’s going to sting when someone takes a hit at you.
As someone who has had so many businesses over the last 16 years I’ve actually lost count (lol), let me tell you, NOTHING stings quite so much as receiving a hit as a coach. OF COURSE it feels freaking personal. It IS. A coaching business and brand is built off the back of personal experience and personal truth (at least it should be).
When someone leaves a negative review for my dance studios, or complains about one of my music teachers, or even has an opinion on one of my musicians…. I don’t FEEL anything. I handle it appropriately, it’s nothing to do with me. But when I hear about other women bitching about “my coaching business”, having negative opinions, publicly slandering me (and yes this has happened, this isn’t remotely hypothetical), my god, it’s like a punch in the stomach. And it can take a person out for months if not years. Blows like that cause deep wounds.
I think it would be helpful for us to remember that every small business has a human being at the core of it who has poured everything they have in to it. Rightly or wrongly, their views, beliefs, morals, and values make up a huge part of what that business is built on.
You won’t agree with everyone’s values as a person which means you likely won’t align with their offerings as a business owner. That’s OK. You don’t need to take it to the playground.
It might feel good to “out someone” or “raise awareness” of a person or business you’ve established has different beliefs to yours, but how would you feel if it happened to you? Don’t tell me it wouldn’t sting. And don’t tell me it wouldn’t happen either, because the whole world does NOT agree on any one thing, especially not your thing. And don’t pretend you’re immune, because you’re not. This world that we’ve created and are living in at the moment renders everyone a potential victim of toxic femininity.
Toxic femininity is holding up the very thing we all want to see dismantled… the Patriarchy.
In pitting ourselves against one another, we’re slowly destroying our collective power, which is exactly what the Patriarchy wants.
By pointing fingers and creating labels for who is good or bad, who is right or wrong, and declaring who is worthy and who is not, we’re not just destroying the woman we point out, we’re destroying OURSELVES.
A woman’s greatest wound is the sisterhood wound (perhaps only second to the mother wound). Wounded women DO NOT RISE.
When you hate on another woman because you are ABSOLUTELY convinced she’s full of BS (having likely only been in relationship with this woman for a very short period of time, if AT ALL), you’re reopening the sister wound in her, but actually more deeply in yourself. You may do it in the name of the good fight, you may do it in the name of justice, you may do it to be a saviour of others, because god forbid they also endure this woman’s sins, right?! But whatever your passion or purpose for attempting to take down another woman, it’s not just them that gets hurt. It’s you. Every time you hate on another woman, some of that energy comes back to you and burns your wounds a little deeper.
There’s a much better way to heal the disillusion and absence of integrity in the coaching industry, and that’s to come together, to gently, compassionately, and privately, call one another up (not out). To continue to educate ourselves and provide education for others from our own zone of genius, without trying to pretend we’re something we’re not. If we all stuck to what we were absolutely brilliant at, instead of trying to emulate someone else from a lack of self-worth, we’d all be rising stars TOGETHER.
There would be no need to call someone out for being a copy cat, a carbon copy, a word-salad-coach (recent term I’ve learned), a fluff coach (yup, another one), and no one would need to adopt less than integrity-driven marketing approaches because when we all own our worth, and our zone of genius, there’s room for all of us, and for all of us to coexist harmoniously in deep respect of one another.
But then of course, we do have to acknowledge how we even arrived at a point where a woman’s self worth is so low she feels like her only option is to adopt the teachings, brand, and marketing style of someone else … oh yeah that’s right… she’s wounded, doubtful, fearful, and confused AF because she walked into an industry where women are already tearing each other down and she’s terrified she’s going to be next, so she chooses to adopt someone else’s light rather than owning her own.
You see the vicious cycle here?!
WE CREATED IT. The toxic feminine created it.
Want to end this? Here’s some tips:
- unblock the women you previously wrote off as shady AF and go heart a post you can get behind just a little bit
- reach out to that person you shamed last year/month/week and apologise (and mean it)
- go celebrate another woman somewhere on the internet, at random, for no good reason other than she probably deserves it and you’ll make her day
- start off every relationship with every female stranger on the internet by TRUSTING that she’s a good woman at heart and she is not defined by her mistakes
- forgive yourself for the role you’ve played in this (we all have one) and make a commitment to putting all that behind you
- save this post (no idea how you do that on FB) so you can be reminded next time you’re triggered by another woman
- remember your triggers are only showing you where there’s potential for growth and expansion in YOU (they are not an invitation to destroy the source of your trigger)
I am by no means perfect, and I can be a mouthy little madam when something gets me hot under the collar. I’ve done and said things in my coaching years that I’m not proud of. And I’ve also been the target of many viscous attacks. I’ve experienced both sides of the argument, personally. Both sides SUCK ASS BIG TIME.
I believe we can do better, I believe we can BE better.
I love us. Still. Despite everything. Being a woman, and being a coach is a fucking privilege.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk
Love H xxx