Selfish definition: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
This process of self-analysis and critique is motivated by an overwhelming number of accusations from people I don’t know on the internet calling me selfish and narcissistic because of my stance on mask-wearing (which I’m not for FYI).
So, here we go.
Do I lack consideration for other people? Initially, I like to think not. Doing the work I do I have immense consideration for people, I’m someone who helps people (if we’re going to make this super basic). I can be insensitive, occasionally jumble my words and not be as articulate as I’d like to be. I can be lacking in knowledge in areas outside my realm of expertise and inadvertently get things wrong which can and has caused offence. Where I have caused offence I hope I have always apologised with sincerity. I believe my heart is in the right place, but I suppose that wasn’t really in question.
The selfish label seems to be attached to two statements in particular:
“I won’t wear a mask”
“I can’t take personal responsibility for other peoples health, we must all take personal responsibility for ourselves”
I’m conscious I don’t want this to turn into a validation of my statements, so to keep it succinct, my concern is mandatory masks will become mandatory vaccines, mandatory control, and the rest, and yes that scares the living daylights out of me because of my consideration for the people of our future, our kids, and the whole of humanity. I’m thinking long term rather than short term. I believe I can see what is coming. Perhaps I’m deluded and buying in to too much spiritual crap. Perhaps our human rights aren’t in danger at all and mandatory anything will stop at masks. Perhaps this isn’t about control after all and my intuition is completely off. Perhaps I’m bat shit crazy.
Not taking personal responsibility for other people I’m still seeing as something of service to another but let’s dig deeper.
To clarify, whilst I don’t agree with mask wearing, or mandatory anything for that matter because I’m pro-choice, I still respect others needs for social distancing, general cleanliness, and subscriptions to the mainstream narrative, and so of course don’t actively seek to spread the virus. I take precautions to ensure I’m protecting transmission of anything (which I’ve always done anyway) out of consideration for others, but I do so in a way that is my choice, and not something that has been forced upon me. I take full responsibility for my own germs and ensuring I don’t pass them on to others in all the ways that science has suggested this virus could be spread. I appreciate there’s not absolute clarity on this yet but I do the best with the information I have.
So if I’m protecting others, whilst maintaining choices which others find difficult, does that make me selfish?
Perhaps my selfishness is less in my actions and more in my words.
Are my words so provocative and un-feeling that they create unnecessary reactions in people which aggravates emotional un-serving reactions? Yes. Perhaps.
Could I be more gentle with my messaging? Would that be less selfish? Perhaps. But then in the realms in which I work, I know triggering the crap out of people to be actually quite enlightening (beginning to hate this world lol). Is being selfless being filtered? I don’t believe so.
Is it selfish to deliberately upset someone? Yes.
Am I deliberately upsetting people? It may look that way but no, I’m not here to upset. However I am here to ruffle feathers and open eyes which CAN be upsetting, but the end goal is worth it. Again working with long term, not short term here.
The personal responsibility thing:
I believe we are all conditioned to a point where self-worth is substantially lacking. Taking personal responsibility for just about anything is a struggle for most. It’s actually easier for us to take responsibility for others because it facilitates a projection and a re-direction of the energies we can’t correlate within ourselves. It’s a welcome relief from self-reflection, self-critique and self-analysis, which has to be then followed with radical change, brutal honesty, and a stepping up of the most authentic kind. That’s really fucking scary actually (walking my talk here peeps). It’s always so much easier to make it about someone else:
I’m wearing my mask to protect other people.
I’m no longer in a relationship because s/he wasn’t ready to settle down.
I’m broke because the government didn’t provide for our industry in the covid budget.
She’s pregnant because she told me she was on the pill when she wasn’t.
I’m taking a second job to provide for my family (there is so much depth to this that I can’t go into in one post).
I’m inviting X to my wedding to keep my mum happy.
I’m voting for X because this country needs new leadership.
This is a really mixed bag of examples which will mostly be greeted with “yes of course we must do things for other people, what on earth are you on about H?” but the martyrdom conditioning is layered so deep it’s almost impossible to see. We’re all wounded healers, believing others have to come before ourselves, and to those who really struggle with the subtleties of this, I can completely understand why I’d be labelled selfish.
It’s so much deeper than it first appears.
However just imagine for a second we all took radical responsibility for ourselves to the point where we accepted the following:
- full responsibility for our current and past experiences and realities
- full responsibility for our emotional wounds, trauma, and subsequent healing
- full responsibility for our health, what we put in our bodies, and any and all dis-eases that come in to our bodies
- full responsibility for our relationships and impact on other people
- full responsibility for our financial security and financial health
- full responsibility for our words, knowledge, and self development
- full responsibly for all of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions, and the constant re-evaluation and evolution of them
- full responsibility for what we give and receive and how we give and receive
- full responsibility for our conscious contribution to the world, i.e. the work that we do (note contributing to the world is not the same as taking responsibility for someone else)
If we all took massive personal responsibility, then no one would need to take responsibility for anyone else (other than those who can’t take responsibility for themselves, i.e. our kids, and perhaps elderly relatives). Coronavirus might not even exist!
Yes of course this is idealistic, and at present it looks to be completely unachievable, but this is the world I dream of, and fight for, and so perhaps my ideas are crazy, and selfish, or maybe I’m a little ahead of my time, but I do believe this vision is something we can achieve in our lifetimes. Does that make me selfish that I fight for it now when so many can’t even wrap their head around the idea, let alone see it and believe it?
Actually at this point, I don’t need an answer, the same way I don’t need a label (pleasantly surprised I arrived here because I was very willing to realise I am actually very selfish, and equally willing to declare no I’m not selfish, but this is a different end game entirely).
I’m happy to be called whatever they wish to call me, because I’m fighting for the creation of something far more beautiful.
I don’t believe I’m bringing harm to others by not wearing mask, I believe I’m standing up for something that will heal a hell of a lot more than a virus. I don’t need everyone to believe me, or agree with me, but I do need to keep sharing this message to inspire those who do want to take radical responsibility and participate in the creation of something more humane. Am I an idiot for this belief? You’re welcome to think so. I’m OK with that. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if one day I’m right though? Not to be proved right, but because of how much happier and healthier all of humanity would be? I want that for my kids and for myself. If you get to enjoy it too, it’s win win all round.
Now let’s jump into the narcissism observation made of me. I found this on the internet (good old Google):
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder
- Grandiose sense of self-importance. …
- Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur. …
- Needs constant praise and admiration. …
- Sense of entitlement. …
- Exploits others without guilt or shame. …
- Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others.
Ok breaking it down with brutal honesty, here we go:
“an inflated sense of their own importance” – Yes I call myself a Priestess because I am fully initiated, trained, and devoted to the craft. I’m not a self-initiated Priestess like many are but I don’t judge those who choose to use the title despite having a very different Priestess training experience to my own. We are all valid. By definition, a Priestess (in the way I have been trained and initiated) is to be a humble servant (not a martyr), and to promote self-importance would defy Priestess Law, as one of our aims is to dismantle hierarchy and rid the world of the notion of superiority because we believe all people are equal. I do believe my work is very important yes, which is why I commit to it so passionately despite the attempts of others to shoot me down but is it inflated? I don’t believe my work is more important than the work of others. Again by Priestess Law I fundamentally believe we all have something valuable to contribute to the collective consciousness, and that’s why we are all here. I believe we are all important in equal measure otherwise we wouldn’t all be here, and that’s true of all the trolls and bullies on Facebook. I believe they are of value and equal importance in this world too even if they chose not to display it yesterday (it doesn’t have to be displayed daily).
“a deep need for excessive attention and admiration” – I love being the centre of attention. This is true. If I denied it I would be lying. I’m the life and soul of the party. I have a big presence and a shiny aura and I’m a bit of a social butterfly in social situations where I can shine (once I’m comfortable which might take 2 or 3 meetings with the same group of people before I come out of my shell). I’d say I’m an extrovert if we want to simplify it. I was bullied excessively through childhood and into early adulthood and as such was a huge introvert. As a trained dancer and musician, my parents constantly pushed me to be on stage, in competitions, and I was forever put to the test academically. All of this attention made me physically throw up before every ‘performance’ because I hated it so much. As a Priestess and perceived ‘spiritual leader’, it has taken me years to be so forthcoming and unfiltered in my presentation on social media. I used to be terrified of posting videos and writing posts, but I’ve learned to get over it and get on with it because the result of me NOT doing this work scares me more than DOING the work. I couldn’t give a shit whether I’m admired or not, if yesterday’s fiasco is anything to go by, I’d say I’m almost the polar opposite. I readily embrace the hate and abuse. I don’t need admiration to make the world a better place.
“troubled relationships” – wow, had a boatload of these, romantically speaking! Fortunately now married to the love of my life and couldn’t be in a more loving relationship if I tried. We’re our own rom-com, and whilst we’re not perfect, it’s certainly not troubling. Relationships with family and friends pretty normal too. Nothing spectacular to write home about I don’t think.
“a lack of empathy for others” – I mean if I didn’t have empathy I wouldn’t have been able to help the 1000s of people I’ve helped so let’s not waste time on this one. If anything I’m too empathetic because I feel so god damn much, which can be slightly debilitating at times but I digress.
“lives in a fantasy world that supports delusions of grandeur” – my spiritual beliefs could be interpreted as fantasy, as could my conversations with Source and my Spirit Team. Believing to my core that the Universe has my back and I have a right and responsibility to abundance could certainly be interpreted as supportive of this trait. I’m not sure we can interchange the words abundance and grandeur but if I’m going to be super critical of myself then yes we could say I’m narcissistic in this regard.
“sense of entitlement” – absolutely NOT, and I speak openly and passionately about how much I can’t stand this trait. There’s a pandemic of entitlement in the world, in which case we’re all bloody narcissists. If you’re not familiar with my stance on entitlement you can check my blog: https://askharriette.co.uk/
“exploits others without guilt or shame” – if I do do this, I can’t see it. I have reposted comments from trolls to make a point or elaborate on a narrative in the past. I don’t feel guilt or shame for that. Is that exploitation? By definition, exploitation is the action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work. I’m not sure spiteful responses and comments from people can be encompassed as ‘work’, and there’s certainly no benefit from my receiving those comments. The only benefit of sharing the trolling is to provide clarity where I’ve either been clumsy with my words, or it serves to highlight a further narrative that is of benefit to those participating in the conversation.
“frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others” – I was once mean to a girl in high school and I still feel guilty about it now. I don’t believe I bully anyone, and even though I’ve been attacked so forcefully on Facebook in the last day, I haven’t responded with the same energy. I have occasionally succumbed to sarcasm which I know is the lowest form of wit, but I am still human.
If you’ve got this far, you’re a hero, because this is long and tedious, and It’s just been pointed out to me that those who threw these accusations in the first place aren’t worthy of my time, energy or effort, and the nasty comments aren’t even worth discussing.
but… in true Priestess fashion,I think all humans are worthy of attention, consideration, validation, and compassion, even the people who sling mud from the cheap seats.
To me, your comments are just as deserving of consideration as those from the people who agree with me, and those who disagree with me but articulate it in a less emotional way.
I’ve been called a bad mother, I’ve been criticised for missing a few commas or full stops, I’ve been called every name under the sun, and even received a few death threats yesterday, and coming out the other side of this post I STILL BELIEVE IN HUMANITY. I still have faith in people!! Yay!!
I was provocative, yes. I’m not always. My methods might be bizarre but they work, in the long term. I’m not here to be liked. I’m here to serve the greatest highest good of all humanity, and that starts with massive personal responsibility. Am I selfish? Am I a narcissist? Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I welcome all opinions and judgements because whatever is seen in me, is just a mirror for whatever that person needs to see in themselves, and I’m OK being in service in that way.
To be honest this whole exercise feels a little narcissistic, and perhaps unnecessary. Hopefully, it will resonate where it needs to, and if not this post, then the next one, and the next one, and the next one.
I won’t stop.
My love always,