This hit me as I was unloading the dishwasher on a Sunday morning, so here I am in bra and pants with messy hair and unbrushed teeth writing this to you because you need to hear it.
It’s about what really “having it all” looks like – a topic which seems to be popping up all over the place at the moment.
Last month I flew to New York to be the keynote speaker at an event (Ladies Aligned), for which I was asked to prepare a speech about “really having it all” – because according to the organisers (two of my beautiful clients), I epitomised to them what having it all looks like.
From the stage I told them that ‘having it all’, is all in your consciousness, and your choices (more on that in a minute), but truthfully I hadn’t really figured it out by that point.
This morning I received an email from a very well known entrepreneur about having it all. In it she describes ‘that‘ life – an image I think many of us would nod in agreement to when we think about having it all – the huge beautiful beach front home, a tribe of perfect kids, a doting husband (with incredible sex life), an epic career, a life of impact and abundance, time to do the work you’re head over heels in love with, and equal time to be an amazing mum and wife, all whilst generating so much money you’re completely financially free.
And it niggled me. It niggled me because as she’s describing this, and telling her audience they really can have it all, I am more than aware that she doesn’t have this for herself. The career, the impact, and the money, yes. But the relationship, the perfect husband, and kids? Not yet. I’m sure she will. She believes she can have it all as much as I believe I can have it all.
She also wrote that there aren’t enough, if any, role models out there showing us what having it all really looks like.
Which begs the question… is it even possible?!
Do I have it all?! Sandy & Melissa (Ladies Aligned) seem to think so.
But I don’t.
If I’m going to be real, I can’t blow smoke up your arse and tell you that if I can have it all then you can too.
Here’s where I’m at (truthfully):
- I’m a self made millionaire
- I live in a stunning £1,000,000 ($1.3mill US) home in London in a very affluent area
- I have THE MOST BEAUTIFUL baby girl in the world
- I pay myself an absolute minimum of £25,000 per month ($33,000 US) (note this is paying myself… not turnover, or net, or gross)
- I turnover in excess of 7 figures a year
- I have an awesome team of staff, both in the office, and at home, who make my life effortless
- We fly first class always (this is entirely non negotiable now)
- I take time off when it suits me
- I invest a lot in myself and my self care
- I invest even more into the growth of my businesses
- I choose what my work schedule looks like
- And my social schedule (with the dream besties)
- I wear Christian Louboutin shoes every day (these range in price from $600 – $1200 a pair)
- I drive a £77,000 Range Rover velar ($100,000 US), and have a spare one sitting on the drive…
- I could go on with the material stuff, but you get the gist
- I’m a High Priestess of Light with unmistakable connection to my Spirit team & Source
- I’m pretty freaking magical when it comes to all that psychic jazz
(…and here’s where I don’t get to have it all…)
My relationship with my fiancé is really really really challenging.
And I have a knot in my throat as I write this because he won’t have any idea I’m sharing this with my tribe, and I’m not sure I can ask his permission to share. Even though I know I should. Even though that’s the right thing to do.
And here’s kinda my point.
This is where we get to have it all… EVEN IF WE DON’T HAVE IT ALL RIGHT NOW.
Having it all is the conscious choice.
Write that down.
Having it all is the conscious choice.
Let me explain a back story.
Many of you know this story, but if you’re new to me, here’s the cliff notes version.
I set up my first business age 19. By 23 I was making insane money (approx $300,000 a year). I thought I had it all.
At 25, that business, and all the money that came with it, was taken from me by 3 of my 12 employees, one of whom was an ex boyfriend, and in a relationship with my PA. She helped him to swipe my client base and set up a competing company half a mile away.
I didn’t have them in employment contracts of any description. I was screwed.
At the time they did this I had just completed voluntary therapy for depression following an attempted suicide which was the result of me escaping an abusive relationship. They knew this. And took the opportune moment to screw me whilst I was wasn’t looking.
I was broken in every way a woman can be broken… emotionally, financially, psychologically.
Over night I was £60,000 in debt.
Every one around me told me to go bankrupt, fold the business, and get a sensible corporate job. At 25 I was still “young enough” to start an incredible career in something, and being “so intelligent and well educated” it would be easy for me to take that route.
So I did the sensible thing.
I took out a loan for £100,000 and quickly found myself in even more debt ?
Within months I had plummeted into almost $250,000 of debt. Oh yeah baby. I had it all. Allll the debt.
In hindsight I realise I also had the conscious choice. Although I didn’t have a clue what conscious choice was back then. I just ignored all the sensible advice around me, and listened to the whispers of my Soul.
The rock bottom place I found myself in, led me to a kundalini yoga class, which led me to my spiritual awakening… and within three years I initiated as a Priestess of Light, paid back every penny of that debt, and bought myself a million pound home in London. That purchase was in 2017.
Almost two years on, from the outside it looks like I have it all, but on the inside, it’s not the truth.
And I’m not here to lie to you. I’m here to forge a new path of possibility so you can follow, without all the hard ass lessons I had to go through.
So here’s what I realised this morning whilst emptying the dishwasher:
My relationship is volatile, triggering, heartbreaking at times, and really really ‘effin difficult. I’ve wanted to walk away countless times. In fact I did. Once. We got engaged 6 weeks later. He’s my greatest teacher. I’ve known this for a long time, but it doesn’t always help. He shows me alllllll the shadow parts of myself. And that is a very hard pill to swallow.
Recently many people around me, with whom I’ve shared the details of my current situation, have told me to leave, to end the relationship, to walk away. I’m still “young enough” to meet someone new and fall in love all over again, and build a new life whilst my baby girl is young enough to not know the difference. I’m 31 and she is 6 months FYI.
But like that other story I told you earlier… I’m doing the sensible thing (lol), and I’m ignoring ALL the advice.
I’m making the conscious choice.
Last time I made a huge, potentially life-screwing, choice, I made the biggest transformation of my life – from $250,000 of debt and vulnerable from attempted suicide, to owning my £1,000,000 home and having the most insane and impactful career as a Priestess, and life & business coach. Within three years.
So, whilst my relationship might not be perfect… I know that in making the conscious choice, to really listen to my Soul, and ignore the very well intentioned advice of EVERYONE around me, I KNOW that one day I will really honestly truly have it all, in terms of what MY picture perfect life looks like.
I won’t be describing it to you, and telling you that you can have it all too. I’ll be embodying it for you, so you have a role model to follow. Someone who can really show you how it’s done. That is, after all, the true role of a Priestess.
So, no, I don’t have the picture perfect life YET.
But, I do have it all. Because I have the power of Conscious Choice.
And what fun would it be having it all at 31 anyway? Isn’t life a journey? Isn’t that what they say? They might be right about that bit.
So I’ll enjoy my journey, and choose to have it all, all along the way, because all along the way, I’ll be doing this:
Making the Conscious Choice.
Tell me, what areas of your life require a conscious choice to create transformation?
I’m running a 5 day Money Consciousness challenge and we start next week on May 18th! Want to join me?
I’ll be giving away $444 to one lucky person just for participating in the challenge
Can’t wait to take you on this journey with me 🙂
My love always